I like her: She likes me too, I hope

We are not biologically predisposed to hate each other. The concept of women hating each other is one of the biggest lies and brainwashing of society. It is the divide and conquer strategy that kept women alone and reliant on men for centuries. It is quite literally the exact opposite. Femininity is a part of yourself that is to be embraced. It is the side that brings genuine happiness and satisfaction with life. Recently I watched Dua Lipa’s New Rules music video and I can truly say that I’m entirely obsessed with it. Finally. Music that women can genuinely identify with when it comes to female friendships. The happiness and life contentment I feel around my female friends is unparalleled. There is no hidden agenda, no judgement; just freedom to speak my mind and actually be heard.

I am a human woman yet I, myself, cannot explain with a surety of the nature of women in general. I can’t understand the logic of those not even in the female gender speaking with such conviction of the nature of women. We tend to take the older generation’s views on life without considering how wrong it could be. Stop telling us who we are. We will tell YOU. Ladies, trust yourself. Your feelings, your instincts and your intuition are your prized possessions. Growing up I can’t say that the cattiness between women ever made sense to me. If you categorize every other woman as the enemy and competition for your life, you’re leaving yourself to be entirely reliant on males for friendship and trust. I hardly think that I need to explain just how dangerous that is. I know that Mean Girls is a classic movie to the large majority but I hate it. When social media glorifies this toxic behaviour you’re bound to find a clique of impressionable teenage girls in most school settings following this behaviour. You don’t have to be mean to other girls to be popular and be liked by boys. Is teen cigarette smoking cool? No. Then why are meanness and bullying blatantly ignored and glorified? It is more dangerous than smoking in my view. Girls already have a severely fucked up worldview in their puberty stage. This is the time period when so many girls are assaulted and abused. Now, on top of that, we expect these suffering children to fight with each other for male attention and popularity while being forced to entirely deny their sexuality during puberty. I know so many school mates who cried every night and some who actually moved because of this type of bullying. Real life mean girls are just not the crowd I’d ever choose to affiliate myself with. I would never want to break another human being down like that. The older I get and the more I learn about the way the world works the more maddeningly frustrated I get to find out just how much the system is rigged against women.

I’ve always preferred female company to male. Everyone wants true friendship. But this brainwashed behavioural pattern is so deeply embedded in so many women that the first time I truly connected with a female friend was after I’d finished schooling. It was the best thing that has ever happened to me. We helped each other grow and be better humans. I’ve never had deeper conversations with anyone the way I do with her. I know she’s going to be reading this at some point so: Hey girl, yeah I’m talking about you here. When you don’t experience true friendships that have absolutely no underlying motivation you miss out on real life fulfilment. You celebrate each other’s successes, protect each other, have each other’s backs and truly just wish happiness for this human being. Recently, I’ve been befriending more women and it has been so amazing. Women fascinate me. The sheer amount of open-mindedness and the comfort I feel around women is addictive. I don’t take female’s lives for granted simply because I know how much shit we go through just for being born women. If you truly want to know how a lot of women feel about each other without the socially constructed behaviours watch the music video Girls like girls by Hayley Kiyoko. Seriously. That’s actually quite true. Female sexuality is incredibly fluid. Our need to protect our female friends or even random women from harm is insanely strong. During my puberty phase I read this question in an advice section and I was truly intrigued because I had the same question. Is it normal to find other women attractive? Is it also normal to be fascinated with boobs that aren’t yours? The response was reassuring at that time because the counsellor replied that it is normal. It just happens and it doesn’t mean that you are actually attracted to women if you find other women appealing. I say that it was reassuring because my religion at that point condemned same sex relations. I rejected the idea that I was bisexual for so many years. But I am. Most women are. I don’t just admire female beauty; I like female personalities. If you’re a man and you think that your gender is the only one watching that gorgeous girl just having a good time and being happy, you’re very much mistaken. Admiration and a generally better sense of affection and compassion among female company often gets blurred with sexual attraction as well. Movies and series often portrayed bisexual women as further pleasure for males. It’s just a strip show for attention. Seriously. Can we stop making every single aspect of our lives about men? Because it’s not. I rejected being bisexual because the idea that men assumed women did these things to attract other men disgusted me. But it’s not. Sometimes the emotional attraction heavily outweighs the sexual attraction. Powerful women make me fall in love with them. When I see a girl out there just being marvellously and unapologetically herself I just want her to be happy and I want to be a part of that.

There was particularly a turning point for me to realise that this is really me. I met this girl out partying and there was just something about her. She overheard my friend and I talking about her gorgeously tattooed, sculpted body and impulsively invited us to party with her. For the rest of the night, all I could think about was being with her. Being flashed with rock-hard abs by a Muay Thai fighter guy just made me smile with appreciation but I could not have been less interested. She was intoxicating. Her smile and laugh were so genuine. Every impulse was telling me to just kiss her while she danced with me. It was then that I honestly could not deny my sexuality anymore. Why is it a secret that girls like other girls in that way too? When women truly care about each other lines tend to cross quite often especially when you’re drunk. Read up on this study done by Dr. Gerulf Rieger from the Department of Psychology at the University of Essex who found that most women who say they are straight are in fact aroused by videos of both naked men and naked women. The study involved 345 women whose responses to being shown videos of naked men and women were analysed. The results, which were based on elements such as whether their pupils dilated in response to sexual stimuli, showed that 82% of the women tested were aroused by both sexes. Meanwhile, of the women who identified as straight, 74% were strongly sexually aroused by videos of both attractive men and attractive women. There are many studies occurring now that tackle female sexuality and all are giving us the same result. I’ve found that when I open up about being attracted to other women, women feel more comfortable to admit that they’ve felt similar confusing feelings too. Whether you’re in the entirely straight minority, bisexual, bicurious or gay lets all just admit that we like boobs. They’re pretty awesome.

Female mentality is the part that I enjoy the most. The combination of pure badassery and deep compassion and kindness is such a beautiful paradox. Being a girl is so often used as an insult for weakness but that truly is laughable. Men who genuinely hold this view live in a tiny bubble of made up social sayings that they latch onto because it somehow makes them feel better about themselves. Why do men want to claim that their lives are either more difficult or on the same level of struggle. I’d swap gender issues any day. Why are men so angry with equality. Equality has not taken ANY rights from men; it’s just given human dignity to women. Even the really awesome men I meet are so oblivious to how fucked up society is to women. I had a friend in university who quite literally could not fathom that a lot of older men are creeps to young girls. He thought that because he would not do that, other men also wouldn’t. Male friends of mine are so happily oblivious to the true nature of their male friends. He’s only a cool guy because he’s not interested in fucking you. If you want to know who your friends actually are, just ask the women he’s interested in. So many men walk around happily while doing and saying the most disgusting things to women and maintaining their social standing because women don’t talk about it. I do now. If you say anything stupid or creepy to me, all of my friends plus random people will know about it. I warn women about men who attempt to harass me. Men count on female silence because we are taught and bullied into silence about these issues. But this is why it continues to happen. This guy at my university was friends with everyone. Every time he would greet me with, “so when are we hooking up”. I thought it was funny at first but then it became a daily routine. Sometimes I’d click my tongue and just say, “Come on now. Just stop it. It’s not going to happen.” Later in the year I was outside a lecture venue when he came up to me (it was quite deserted; everyone was inside), grabbed my arm and tugged me towards the emergency exit passageway saying: “Let’s go in there and hook up”. I pulled my hand away and said no. But he had the fucking audacity to try shoving me into the passageway. I was shocked. I pushed him away forcefully and escaped into the lecture. I thought he was my friend; maybe an annoying, persistent one but still a friend. I mentioned it to one of my guy friends when he asked me if I wanted to hang out with them (the rapey dude was going to be with them too) and he genuinely could not believe me. He thought I just misinterpreted the guy’s intentions. All he could say was; “But he’s a good guy. It must have been a mistake.” No matter who you are the entire world just wants to reject the notion that people around them are potential rapists. I avoided that creep for the rest of my degree. I knew that this is the response I would get from most people. When I was in that moment I will never forget the icy fear that gripped me when I realised what was going to happen if I didn’t get away. Most men will never experience the constant fear that hangs over women’s heads. Can you possibly imagine how much we miss out on life because we live with that. Its fucking tiring. I want to be nice to men. I really and truly do. But the way so many men are right now makes it so difficult.

I’m not a social justice warrior as I’ve been called so many times. This is not about political correctness. This is not about getting revenge on men. This is not a power play or an evil game that women are playing. This is about our goddamn lives being shaped by misogyny. It is life and death for women. Men take their freedom for granted. They take their safety for granted. We miss out on so much of the world because we are scared. We don’t get to see the night because walking alone is too dangerous. Notice the way girls walk at night. It should fucking break your heart to see them quicken their pace and lower their gaze when men walk past. Men have profound cognitive dissonance when it comes to this. All we ever hear as children is how careful we should be around boys. Fathers don’t want their daughters hanging out with boys because they “know what men are like” but also think that feminists are horrible because “not all men are bad”. We’re called paranoid and we’re resented for treating men as if they’re dangerous but at the same time if we don’t and then we get hurt, we’re blamed for being stupid and naive. “You should have known.” If I get bad vibes from a guy and choose not to be alone with him, I’m sexist and unfairly generalizing men as violent. But if I do hang out with him and something happens, it’s my fault for putting myself in a dangerous situation. It seems as if men know that they are a danger to us, but they don’t want us to know – except their daughters. If you cannot control your sexual urges, regardless of male or female, YOU are the problem. YOU need to be monitored at night and be forced a curfew. Why should others have to live in fear like this. It infuriates me. I’m not even sure whether I should greet random men who call greetings and/or compliments out to me or not. It could go either way. Why does the debate about whether catcalling is flattering or not even exist? If women don’t find it flattering, it’s case closed. Why would males think that they can decide how women feel about something? That’s so stupid, honestly.

I would recommend the movie Life Happens to all girls. There is a particular line that caught my attention. It’s very controversial actually, so I’m going to solely base my view on it from my own personal experience. “I’ve always kind of done things a little differently. It’s kinda like my thing. Winston Churchill, St.Augustine, Floyd Mayweather, 50 Cent, Jack Nicholson, Barack Obama and my cousin Taylor were all bastards and they turned out just fine. Women carry the baby, they birth the baby, they feed the baby. Fathers are totally antiquated.” I don’t agree that fathers are totally antiquated but we can all admit that a lot of the time growing up without the fatherly figure betters the life of the child. Why though. Why are sons raised by single moms the best kinds of human men I’ve ever met? It is the toxic idea of superior masculinity that strips men of the ability to be good fathers. I have never felt any real connection to my biological father and I can honestly say that my actions from the day that I cut off ties entirely has brought unbelievable amounts of good and happiness into my life. I’ve found it more difficult to deal with breakups than to deal with never seeing my father again. It did hurt when I realised how much he despised me for being strong enough to stand up to him. But a year later when he sent aggressive messages through people to ensure that I knew that he does not care about what happens to me, I just rolled my eyes. I’ve never needed or gotten his help for anything. Why did he expect me to be affected by his opinion of me when the only things that he contributed to my life was pain, misery, fear, discomfort, constant vigilance and everything that is bad in this world. I don’t care if my biological father dies. That may sound harsh but it could not be more true. The world would be so much better off without his existence. Every single father I’ve come across during my childhood seemed so sure of their parental strategy being entirely righteous. They were power hungry; demanded submission from every women around them; overconfident with nothing to back it up; arrogant and disrespectful and used religion to treat women as “second class creation”. Its ridiculously illogical to use nonsensical arguments to justify wanting superiority. Don’t make your insecurities and fears my fucking problem. If you lack control of your sexual desires it is YOU that has inferior self-control. Why do men want to pass the blame for their actions onto innocent women. This is also what I despise the most about Christianity when it comes to values. The new testament says “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell” – Matthew 5:28-29. What. How is it possible to monitor and punish based entirely on thought; especially about a core biological instinct. This verse was used to justify ordering women to dress modestly and placed blame on women for “seducing men’s eyes”. That’s just so fucked up. My previous religious cult commanded that women wear extremely loose and covered clothing but still blamed women when men “faltered”. One time my mother dragged me out of church to change my shirt because the pastor said cap sleeves weren’t right. Yeah, you read that. I was 12 years old. When I would complain about creepy men all I would be asked is “what were you wearing?” It would make me lose my hope in humanity.  And this is a recurring concept that’s reflected in the idea of “Satan”. No one puts thoughts in your mind. You think them. Whether or not you act on them is ENTIRELY UP TO YOU. Forgiveness is not as important as people think. But that is a topic for another day. Why is aggression and lack of control considered more valuable than compassion and empathy? The latter is the part that gave us everything we have today and wiped out slavery and oppression. If we want to progress with civilisation brains must be valued above brawn. The most wonderful and balanced men that I’ve met have entirely embraced both their masculine and feminine side.

I should probably have a part 3 for this massive discussion on female reproduction issues but I have to include it here. The stories that I read and the opinions that I hear honestly make me want to lose my shit, cry, and dedicate my entire life to saving women. I can no longer postpone it. Ladies, do you have any idea of what you owe the world? A huge amount of fuck all. Just as much as no one owes you anything; you owe no one else anything too. Religion sickens me. It projects the idea that we owe the world redemption through excessive pain. It starts off by insinuating that it’s possible to make a woman from a human rib. What the actual fuck. I am not equivalent to a fucking rib. That concept (leave out how biologically impossible it is) rips individuality from women. You are not a person. You are an attachment to a man. You are not a whole being. You were made for the pleasure and enjoyment of men from a rib (seriously, that blows my mind). Childbirth, according to scripture, is god’s wrath on women for one lady being disobedient. Menstruation is filthy according to scripture. In many books of the bible it is reiterated how women on their periods should be treated. During your actual period you are to be isolated. If anyone touches you they have to wash themselves immediately, and cannot enter places of worship for 7 days. Considering that periods last 3-7 days a month and the other rule where you are considered unclean for 7 days after your period this ends up punishing women for 14 days of every month. Okay, I don’t even know where to start. Fuck religion. Biologically speaking, women bear the burden of continuing the human race. It’s fucking shocking how many men are clueless and find periods a taboo subject. We’re left to suffer alone and made to feel ashamed of it. Bleeding from your genital area for days, pain that paralyses the lower body and all of the many many aspects of menstruation are just brushed off. We are made to be terrified of anyone finding out when we are actually menstruating. The schooling world is fucking cruel to girls in puberty. I feel almost unbearable anger at the sheer inhumanity that girls face. Yes, you will find that ever since I started on the female reproduction topic I’ve been using profanity a lot more. I just cannot stress enough exactly how fucked up society is when it comes to this topic. Everything is wrong. Everything. Schools made girls wear sheer white dresses on top of sending girls home in shame when they bled out into their clothes. I saw this very recent article where a girl committed suicide because she could not handle the shame of bleeding out into her clothes at school. Is that the only thing that will show the world how we are made to feel about our periods?? But that is how it is. Early stages makes you live in pure terror of accidents like that. Periods have been around since fucking forever but for centuries women were left to shove cloth into their underwear and keep washing the blood out. Even in modern society all we have that is widely available is disgusting pads that make you miserable and gives you diaper rash if you leave it for too long. Tampons are actually forbidden by a lot of cultures because of the irrational ideas around virginity. But even tampons have dangerous side effects. Using them gives you increased risk of toxic shock syndrome which is fatal. It’s ridiculous. These pathetic, primitive methods are not even available in rural communities and are too expensive for a lot of women in poverty. If people are so against birth control why isn’t there a huge public outcry against condoms. Choice is prioritised for men when it comes to sex. I mean our government put effort and tax funds into upgrading free condoms to give more sexual pleasure to men. They’ve thinned it and flavoured it. I’m fucking serious. But all the suffering women out there will still be taxed on period things. Puberty alone is scary enough for girls. Mostly because we knew close to nothing about our bodies at that age. I am fully intending on starting real sex-ed for girls. I will fight for that no matter what it takes. You have the right to know about your own body. Last year I had a cleaning lady who once nervously asked me for a roll of toilet paper because she has her period. I felt like breaking down. She had no painkillers, no sanitary equipment, no form of birth control or anything of the sort. And I asked myself, how did we get to this. How. I pay a shitload of taxes to this fucking government yet they still tax me on sanitary equipment for my biological function. Condoms are made freely available. Sex is a choice and a pleasurable activity. Periods are not a fucking choice and they’re horrible. It is so physically expensive to be a woman. If I could I would ask all women to decide not to have any children and let it become fucking critical to humanity survival to make them fucking respect what we go through. One of the genders had to carry the burden. It so happens to be us. Why should we be punished for it. Period talks must be had in hushed tones. Euphemisms must be used to describe vaginas. Don’t bother men with female issues. They don’t need to know. Yet you will have men who try to mansplain menstruation to actual women. Some men legitimately have not even the vaguest idea of how this process works. Some think we can hold our blood in like pee. I’m serious. Some think we make a big deal about the pain. Honestly, you fucking try it. Men assume that what they learn in sex-ed is entirely true. Menstruation does not work the same for all women nor each cycle even. It varies wildly in time, intensity, regularity and so on. Birth control doesn’t just prevent pregnancy; it regulates cycles, reduces pain, and even helps with PMS to a certain degree. Civilisation is about making life better, more convenient and lessen human suffering. Yet this somehow does not include women. Childbirth kills. After a sad few minutes (for most straight women) the male contribution to making a child is over. Why the fuck should men ever have a say in what happens afterward. Not your body, not your fucking choice. Pregnancy and childbirth, although natural (I don’t know how that correlates but I’ve heard men say it can’t be bad for you if it’s natural), is very damaging to the female body. I mean, think about it. Her body has to take 9 months to create another human being from scratch. Where is the baby’s body coming from? The goddamn fucking mother. Your bones and body weaken with every child. What adds insult to literal injury is that the world decided that children take their father’s name. She didn’t have ‘your children’. Those are more her kids than they are yours. She physically made them. My biological mother had many children and her health is beyond fucked. She could die at any point. Women don’t owe anyone this. We don’t. A lot of women love children and want to have them but that is entirely up to them. I don’t believe that men have any say when a woman does not want to have a child. I don’t care if she’s married to you; her body is still hers. If she also wants one then lucky you. So many women are literally forced into childbirth. Aunties who tell me that I have to have kids one day confess to me that they never wanted as many as they currently have. Do you know the first question people ask me when I tell them I don’t want children?

“What if your husband wants one?”

“So what?”

“Then you’ll have to change your mind.”

No, I don’t. If I ever even wanted marriage and he wanted kids he should grow a womb and risk his life and body instead. I am very upfront with men about my intentions. Before I date someone I ensure that they are fully aware that I’m open to adopting a child but not making one with my body. If they cannot deal with that then my advice is that we just will never work. If you have the desire for fatherhood, I’m not the girl for you. There are many who would like to be mothers.

But let’s speak of this weird idea of women needing to literally give up their lives for men. There was this Tumblr post that really got me and I’m just going to quote it. “I put on my Tinder profile that I hate sports, I don’t drink beer and I’m 150% feminine all day all the time and so many guys are like… offended? One guy was like “what if the guy you like loves sports, you don’t even watch with him?” And I asked, “will you wake up at 8 am during fashion week to watch live streams of shows with me because that’s what I’m interested in.” And he said, “I don’t really find that interesting.” And I’m like THEN WHY THE FUCK WOULD I CARE ABOUT SPORTS FOR YOU OMG. This isn’t an isolated thing. Women are expected to change for men. If you don’t want to have children (ever) then someone is bound to say to you: well what if your husband wants to have children? I was thinking about dyeing my hair and my dad says, what if the guy you’re dating doesn’t like it? We’re expected to lose weight and to dress in a certain way to appeal to men. We’re expected to be less opinionated, less assertive, less talented when competing against a man… it never fucking ends. Do you and weed out the weak men.”

This is an exact description of what happens. I decided to make my hair blue last summer. I got so many comments about how brave and adventurous that was. No, it’s not. It’s a simple choice for fun. People ask me “what does your boyfriend have to say. Is he letting you do that to your hair.” I could not hide my shock and horror at this question. So what. I didn’t ask his opinion. It’s my fucking hair. It’s my appearance. I will not change what I want for me to suit someone else’s preferences. That entire salon appointment was so eye opening. I was there long enough to hear women calling their husbands for permission to cut their hair or pay for hydration treatment. The gratefulness that I felt for my ability to break free of cultural norms and expectations was almost overwhelming. This post has been long, I know, so I’ll save further discussion of female sexuality for part 3. Do you, weed out the weak men and move on to stronger ones.

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